Wrong Mountain Tabloid Press

Volume 1 Issue 1

May 1998

“What’s down there?” “I’m glad you asked, hehehe...” The cavern has the longest known “soda straw” formation, properly known as “speleothem”, measuring a whopping 21 feet long! And if that wasn’t enough, there’s a patch of 50,000 year old bat droppings! And it’s not all fossilized either... Yum! The cave is 2 1/2 miles long, with a “Big Room” that a local paper described as large enough to “host a football game”. At a length of 300 feet, width of 180 feet, and a ceiling 40 feet high, they just might be right! All the people who have seen it say it is a glorious cave and will be well worth the trip when it opens. Until then, we’ll just have to take their word for it...

Wrong Mountain Tabloid First Edition

The Wrong Mountain Tabloid is intended as a totally irreverent satire of whatever is unfortunate enough to catch our attention!

Unlike the “real thing”, we make no pretense of being factual or fair, only amusing. If we haven’t poked fun at your particular pet peeve, drop us a line and maybe we can work something out. Or better yet, if you would like to contribute an article of your own, please get in touch with us.

There is one general guideline though. No personal attacks. “City Fathers”, “land developers”, and other unsavory characters as a group are fair game, but let’s not get personal, OK? I think there is entirely enough of that in the world already.

Kartchner Caverns

While the discovery of the caverns and subsequent dedication as a State Park was important, the big news here abouts is the tug of war between all the local towns ( you know, tourist “destinations” ) as to which one is the real “Home of Kartchner Caverns”.

It’s really rather funny in a bizzare kind of way. As a matter of record, the caverns were originally in an un-incorporated part of northwest Cochise County. The closest town, Benson, quickly annexed all the surrounding property they could lay their hands on while visions of rising tax bases danced in the heads of the city fathers and the land developers rushed to gouge RV and subdivision plots out of the unforgiving desert rock. On the up side of things, we do have a new McDonalds now, it’s just down the road from the park entrance. Wonder how that happened?

While the City of Benson was scrambling around trying to figure out how to get water and sewer lines into the area (preferably without having to pay for the improvments themselves), our neighbor city Sierra Vista, about 35 miles to the south, began using the caverns in it’s tourist promotions. The resulting battle of words between the two chambers of commerce has the makings of a real Hatfield vs. McCoys feud.

This is not to say that the cave speculating has been limited to the “big boys”. I heard of a person that went to the county clerk’s office and registered the business names of anything containing the words “Kartchner Caverns” that they could think of. I can just see it now, Kartchner Caverns Bar and Grill - Home of Claustrophobic’s Anonymous. Oh well...

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